You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
