Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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