I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
