So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dignity is for republicans.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
