The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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