:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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