Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
