i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Panties = found
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
