I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
