I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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