i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
