It's like God shit irony all over that family
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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