Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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