In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
