apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
