he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
