he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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