well most of my day revolves around power hour
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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