she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
