I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
