i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Too much gin, very little bucket
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
