My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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