I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
