he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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