420 ftw
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
operation have a gay friend backfired
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
