FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
