Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We're too hungover to prance.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
