wakey wakey hands off snakey
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
