Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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