Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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