she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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