he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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