so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
