Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
