I'm drive I can fine osifer
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
