You smell like stripper and shame
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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