I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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