im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
