You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
