We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
