He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
