hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
