Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
