im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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