did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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