i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
