ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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