mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
