She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Couch. On fire.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
