You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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